PROPERTY IS NO LONGER A THEFT
I, a commercial professional,
am no different from you.
Nor are you different from me. We are equal in our needs...
and different in the way we satisfy ourselves.
I know that I will never be able to have any more than I do..
until the day I die.
But no one can have more than there is to have.
Certainly many of you have more than I do,
as many more of you have much less than I.
In the struggle, legal or not,
to get what we don't have,
many people are afflicted with shameful diseases.
Their bodies fill up with sores...
Inside...
and out.
Many others
fall and die.
They are excluded, destroyed, transformed...
and they become beasts.
Stones. Dead trees.
Worms.
That's how envy is born.
And in this envy is hidden class hatred.
In itself, it is simple egoism,
and rather inoffensive.
But egoism is the fundamental sentiment behind the religion of property.
I feel that this situation has become intolerable.
And I know that many of you feel the same way.
Hey, come over here.
Mr. Director sir, may I work with my driving gloves on?
Just as long as you don't take off your tie.
Leave it alone.
There's twenty here.
At least try not to scratch yourself in public.
The money's clean...
And odorless.
And even if it were the filthiest of the filthy..
Take off those gloves. - No.
Here you are, one, two, three, four, five... and six.
Twenty billion three hundred and fifty million.
Good day. - Good day sir.
Good day sir. - Good day.
And how much are you depositing? - Ten million all together.
Steaks for everyone.
I'm in a rush.
Rump roast.
Shall I open it?
One...
Two...
Three...
Four...
Five, six...
Seven, eight...
Nine, and ten.
Is it deposited, then?
Certainly.
Hands up.
Excuse me?
Hands up! - Hands up!
This is a robbery!
Hands up! Don't move!
Don't move! - Back, everyone back!
Up against the wall!
- The money, give me the money!
Come on! What are you doing?
Put it all in there! Everything in the bag! Hurry up!
I hope you know what you're doing, kid.
Quiet!
Hurry up!
Calm down. Calm down. - Put it all in there.
The dogs! The dogs!
Call 'em off!
Let's get out of here!
Come on! Over here! Let's get out of here!
Help!
Don't shoot!
For God's sake, get those dogs off!
Call the dogs off! - Gentlemen,...
Please return to your posts and resume your work.
Take that! You bastard! Son of a bitch!
God damn you!
String him up! Hang him right now!
Careful sir... - Let me vent!
Let me take it out on him! - No, please, don't hit me anymore!
Bastard! Take that! And that!
Let me get it out! Take that!
You never stole anything? - Never. "Property is sacred."
"You only get one mother." "I came, I saw, I conquered"
"Believe, obey, fight for right."
"Stealing, more than a crime,
is an error."
Talleyrand.
Why? - Why?
Because everything that differentiates things from one another
is a property, is property.
According to Thomas Aquinas, if you steal,
you are confusing things,
and naturally, you mix up their property-owners.
And a property-owner must not be confused with a non-property-owner.
How much do we have in the bank?
As much as we deserve.
So...
That thing, then...
What's it called?...
Money...
It's some kind of prize?
Yes.
Dammit! A prize for what?
Honesty? - Maybe...
So then, we, according to you, are dishonest...
Thieves...
Because we've never had a cent.
Good day. Good day.
Good day sir. - Your steaks. - Thank you sir.
The rump roast as usual.
Mr. Director, sir.
All you have to do is sign.
They've awarded you the loan.
I won't sign it. - What?
If I asked for four hundred million...
It's because I need four hundred million,
and not three hundred fifty, as you want to give me.
Excuse me sir, but...
No one refuses three hundred fifty million.
I do. I refuse it.
And I'm leaving.
You're leaving?
Where are you going? - What do you mean where?
To another bank.
I'm going to take my money out of here and go over to the other bank across the way.
Please listen, sir. If a client like you leaves...
It'll be a bad mark on my whole career.
One I'll never erase. If you give me a few days...
I'm sure I can get you the other 50 million.
I give you my word.
Four hundred?
Four hundred fifty.
Count on it.
Mr. Director, sir...
What do you want?
I'd like the bank to give me a long-term loan.
Who, you?
Yes, me.
Hm. Well, in your category...
You are entitled...
To three hundred fifty thousand lire.
Well, you see, Mr. director,
I would like...
Ten million.
What for? - To live on.
To live better. - Well, what guarantee do we have?
You'll have to vouch for me. - Why?
Well sir, in my still-short career here...
Through my hands have passed exactly....
Twenty one billion, eight hundred million,
three hundred seventy five thousand lire, and sixty cents.
Without counting all the money that my father counted...
When he was employed by this very bank.
I have never stolen anything.
You can vouch for my honesty.
Well, but do you have any property?
No...
Then what makes you think you have the right...
To come in here to a banking institution, you who have nothing,
and dare to ask for a loan?
Well, you ought to give loans to the have-nots,...
To the poor.
Well, the poor can make do with their prayers...
The banks are for the haves.
And anyway, you're allergic to money.
I'm getting better...
And I'm quitting.
Oh my God! It's a sacrilege! Blasphemy!
Come back here! Come here right now!
This is insane!!
I can't think what that word is right now...
That word that means that you possess something.
A son, a house, a piece of land...
A car, a wife... - The verb, "to be..."
is an auxiliary verb.
I am, you are, he is,
I was... that's it, I had been.
No, no, no I had!
That's it. I had. I had, we had, she had,
you had, they had, you all had,
having had, having had, we would have had...
And these are the conjugations of the verb "having."
No, of the verb "to have."
Yes, yes...
That's the one that indicates possession of things.
That's it, "to have."
To have can be intransitive, and is conjugated...
Like this: I had, I have,
he has, they have...
We have, we will have...
Oh God, please shut up!
We don't even have a penny.
I don't have... no, you don't have...
He has.
Dammit, he sure does have it all.
He has us. He possesses us.
He has...
He possesses...
Shops...
houses, cars,
wives, maids, things like that...
money, in bags, in piles...
What will I do with all this money I've accumulated,
now that I'm in a position, as I have been for some time,
to take care of all the needs I have in life?
Well, I'll use it to make more money.
Millions, thousands of millions...
Because my fundamental need is to get ever richer.
When I think about the bank teller,
who risks his life protecting other people's money...
Or about the fare-collector on the train...
Who, every night, quite punctually,...
Delivers the day's collections to the boss...
Or about the people dying of hunger...
Who passively accept their disgrace,
respecting the laws that protect property... ha!
But now I've been suspecting...
That the have-nots...
Well, screw it! There's honor among thieves...
That calms me down...
Because they're the ones that are making me rich.
But in spite of everything...
I'm not happy...
Because I, just like money itself,
want to be immortal.
MAN IS A CARNIVOROUS ANIMAL
One kilo, two hundred grams.
Could you weigh it again please?
What for? - Because I saw one kilo and eighty grams, not two hundred.
I won't weigh it again.
If you want it, it's going to be three thousand eight hundred lire.
You'll have to trust me. - Oh yeah?
Well, I've been watching you the past three mornings...
And you never let the scale come to a rest.
Oh so you're calling me a thief.
What an ugly word! I would never.
Well then, pay up and shut up. - Of course I'll pay.
Three thousand eight hundred. Shank.
Give me a kilo of thin cut steak. And make it a kilo.
A good kilo? - Yeah.
But...
What happened to my knife?
What are you looking for?
Where's my knife? - Your knife?
That's not the knife...
It's nowhere to be found. Who's got it?
What do you think we'd want with your knife?
Someone must have grabbed it... But who was here?
Hey, well, if we were to steal, we'd steal meat, not the knife.
What would a normal family do with a butcher's knife?
Will you serve us please, we're in a rush.
And you, why aren't you doing anything?
There's a thief amongst us. - Yes, there certainly is.
And perhaps worse. - Certainly, a thief.
A knife is a dangerous weapon. - Search us if you want to.
Why don't you call the cops? - Yeah, sure, we'll call the cops...
And we'll also talk about prices, weight...
Quality, everything... - That's right! Sure!
Please serve us sir.
I'm closing up shop. - Closing?
But what do you mean closing!? - Why?
I'm not selling anything else today.
So what am I going to do for dinner?
It's unheard of... ripping a butcher off for his knife...
I never heard of such a thing!
I'm ashamed, please, don't make me.
What are you ashamed of? We always do this.
Look at the movie, it'll get you in the mood. - I don't want to.
Come on, when you were a waitress in the bar you didn't mind.
Well I was working for you then. - So what?
You work for me now too.
Look out or I'll send you back to work in the bar.
That's it.
Yeah, now give it to me.
Yeah, go on.
Yeah.
Excuse me... Excuse you for what? No excuses.
Yeah... yeah...
Your hat.
What do you mean, my hat! Does this look like a good time to ask?
Go ahead.
Pardon me. - Again?
First the knife, then the hat...
In the movie theater... What the hell kind of thief is this?
This is no kind of professional thief... It's a personal enemy.
The knife, the hat... it's a curse.
Have you hurt anyone?
What do you...? - Have you blasphemed?
Did you see a hunchback?
Did you refuse alms to a gypsy?
Don't talk nonsense.
Maybe it's just a joke some son of a bitch is playing on me.
Well, you go on up...
And I'll take the car around to the garage.
Oh, God, a thief!
What are you laughing at? What are you laughing at?
Your hat!
Don't scream!
Shut up! Shut up!
Where's the expensive stuff? - In the bedroom.
Get going! Go on!
The jewels...
where are they at?
No!
No! No!
Tell me. - No. No. No. No. No.
Don't scream or I'll kill you. - No, not my jewels...
Don't scream. - No. No!
Do you want me to open the safe for you? - The safe?
Open it.
I'll give you all the money you want. - Open it.
Look at all that money.
Just give me back my jewels.
Quiet!
Don't move an inch!
Stay there!
Oh God, no! - Don't move!
Anita?
What the hell's happening? - There's a thief in the house...
Wearing a mask! - Lock it!
With the key!
What's happened here? - She's fainted.
The money's all there!
What did he steal?
The jewelry I was wearing.
Where'd he get to? - He escaped over there.
Go look for him!
You go look for him!
Stop thief! - Shut up!
Dumb ass! Get back inside.
But... this is my hat.
Maybe he came back to return it. - Don't be a fool.
Bring a suitcase. A big one.
He escaped on a motorcycle. - Quit shouting!
Get out of here! You're his accomplice! - No!
Yeah, that's right, you're the thief's lover. - No!
I'm going to call the cops! - No!
Go to your room, idiot!
That damned busybody!
That's it. - What should I do?
Put everything in there. Hurry up.
We'll have to hide the suitcase in the basement.
Is the painting in there? - It doesn't fit.
Take off the frame.
How long was she passed out for?
Three or four minutes.
Well, it'll have to be more time... We'll have to break the clock.
What time did he show up?
I found him here myself. It was probably around six.
It'll have to have been... fifteen... A half hour later.
For the cops and the insurance company.
And when Brigadier Pirelli gets here,
you're going to have to cry. You have to act scared to death, got it?
A painting by Campilli,...
Ten million...
Seven pearl necklaces,
four million.
Put four million. Here's the bill.
Moving on...
Diamond-adorned watch...
Thirty piece...
With a hundred and fifty grams of gold,
eighteen karats. - Valued at?
Fifteen million. - We'll put sixteen...
And then the insurance company will take it down a notch.
Well, then I'll have to change the bill...
Ok, I'll change it then.
Don't cry, in the end the insurance company will pay for everything.
You wanna shut up, please?
What else?
Jeweled pendant with a value of...
Four million four hundred fifty thousand.
Four million seems too much to me.
Pardon me, but before you said that... - But don't exaggerate.
We'll put... two million eight hundred thousand. - Whatever you say.
What's the total? - Let's see...
It comes to forty two million four hundred fifty thousand lire.
A fortune.
It'd take me twenty years to earn that much.
Yeah, well,
you're lucky enough to have a fixed salary.
Ok, shall I sign it? - Yes, go ahead, sign.
Ok, I'll sign it. - Ok.
Even thieves make more than me.
I'm talking about professional thieves.
Brigadier, is there any hope of catching the thief?
None at all.
All the better. With that money from the insurance,
we'll buy all new things. - That's right.
What are you saying?
Brigadier!
I don't want any misunderstanding here.
With or without the insurance money, my only wish
is that that thief or thieves be arrested as soon as possible.
For everyone's sake. For the good of society, in particular.
This kind of thing scares the living hell out of good people, families.
Well, you know, you can't enjoy your riches
without some fear of having them stolen.
Why do you buy jewelry? - What do you mean, why?
To capitalize!
Because Anita likes them, because they're beautiful...
Sure, and other people like them too.
These kinds of things are only either bought...
or stolen.
Anita...
Idiot.
Moron!
Don't joke about that...
Those kinds of things aren't to be taken lightly!
Someone's put a curse on this house.
They put the evil eye on it.
You were right.
It all started with the knife getting stolen.
Yes.
Because the thief threatened me with the knife he stole from you. - Dammit to hell!
What could it all mean?
Knife, hat,
the jewels...
What is this?
A hex? Voodoo?
Knife, hat, jewelry...
What could he want? Who is this nut?
If I were you I'd go make a confession at the church.
Wait a minute.
Put that stocking back on your head.
Stop thief.
Yell, stop thief.
Stop thief!
Louder!
Stop thief!
Louder!
Thief! Thief! Thief! - Yes!
Again! - Thief!
Thief! Thief!
A thief.
That is a guy who doesn't steal money.
Must either be a total lunatic or the kind of person that's capable of anything.
Or otherwise he must belong to some kind of group.
Anita, I feel like I'm in danger.
Welcome to our permanent exposition of anti-theft devices!
Our great industry at the service of citizens' security,
wishes to call your attention...
to its latest accomplishments.
Help us protect you.
Come here. - Help us secure you.
Help us protect you.
Cerutti, model A. Thirty eight thousand lire.
This here is model B.
And if we go on alphabetically,
we come to model E.
Units starting at thirty eight thousand and sixty thousand lire.
Installation free. Two year guarantee. Taxes not included.
And this is our bullet-proof glass, model x-29.
And now, gentlemen,
something completely new.
An original mechanism, totally out of the ordinary...
A device that is bound to revolutionize security.
And forever defeat the car thieves.
The thief enters the car with a fake key,
and sets off the classical anti-theft alarm.
The thief easily disconnects it.
He goes to start up the motor...
And that's when our new device goes off...
It's totally anti-conventional,
and gets maximum results at minimum cost.
For a premium, you can have poison gas too.
And now for our most economical system.
Starting at eight thousand to a hundred fifty thousand lire.
From handguns and assault rifles...
To grenade launchers.
The price includes legal defense fees.
Help us to protect you.
Help us to secure you.
The anti-Diabolik door!
Three security cameras, underground storage for your valuables
and priced to sell.
Pardon me.
With your permission.
Let's go, dumbass.
Hey, you! Pardon me, this was not part of the...
Come here!
If he's a thief arrest him! - No, no, it's just an experiment.
Come along. Go ahead, go ahead.
Hey get that guy! It's him! Run!
I knew it...
It was right here...
What was? - Our car was right here.
I don't remember.
It was him!
Who? - It doesn't matter.
Dammit to hell! He had to steal my car too!
Why did it have to be mine?
Why not this one?
Why not this one!?
It's normal... - I don't care!
Security! Come here.
What the hell is he securing?
I feel like a thing.
I am a thing.
To put it another way,
I am many things.
Tits...
Thighs...
Stomach...
Mouth...
I am many pieces.
Many pieces of a thing.
And I live like a vase full of holes.
They took me out of my house like I was a can of tomatoes.
And now I'm here.
If I wasn't here...
I'd be somewhere else.
In some other business.
In another house, another neighborhood.
Or perhaps... watching a movie.
Like you.
But they'll always open me right up...
Like a can of tomatoes...
With a can opener...
With the handle.
Or otherwise with their fingers.
And I just laugh.
Why do I laugh?
Because you're just like me...
Even if you don't look it.
And like me...
you are shut away in the refrigerator...
Next to the mineral water...
Carbonated mineral water.
Ten, twenty, thirty,
sixty, seventy, eighty,
ninety, one hundred, a hundred and ten,
A hundred twenty...
A hundred thirty... A hundred forty...
They're going to see us... A hundred and... something...
I'm hungry. Let's eat a steak.
Yeah.
Go home. Yeah, you can go now. We're closed.
Shit! Bastard!
Bastard!
Open up! - Leave it, I don't want the money.
Open up! - Where are you taking me?
Open! - To my house.
What are you doing? What are you doing?
He's kidnapping me. - Come on!
Stop! Stop!
Hey the car door's open and the keys are in it. It'll get stolen.
They can go ahead and take it. I don't need it anymore.
Then why did you steal it?
Who's that?
A ghost.
The ghost of a banker. - So much stuff!
Did you steal it all? - I was a Mandragian Marxist.
I only steal the things I need.
The hardest thing to steal was tobacco.
Harder than drugs even.
Did you buy the caviar?
I stole it, I didn't buy it. - It's not true.
It's not true.
Thieves are the sons of thieves and I'm not a thief.
Nevertheless, I steal. And I stole this girl too.
I don't believe you. - No, it's true, he stole me.
I belong to the butcher shop. He grabbed me on his way out.
I don't believe you. I don't believe you.
You like stolen food.
It's good, huh?
Oriental flavors...
With a forbidden taste.
Almost obscene.
Did you see? Number one:
Stolen food tastes better than bought food.
You bought it. - No.
I stole it and you know it.
I don't know it.
I don't know it and I don't want to know it.
I don't want to know.
What should I do? Should I get naked? Should I take a shower?
Should I lie down?
Comb my hair?
Undress you?
Just give the word.
Go look out the window.
Close it.
And now don't move whatever happens.
Ok like this?
Don't hurt me. - Shut up!
Be quiet.
You don't have to pretend with me.
Make like you were a steak.
A steak?
I'm used to doing things...
To moving around,
dancing...
Touching.
Lie down on the bed and don't move.
Just lie there like you were dead.
Don't scare me.
I don't have anything to do with the butcher.
Close your eyes.
I've seen a lot!
Not even the butcher made me do this kind of stuff.
And he makes me do everything.
Sometimes I'm like any other worker.
And he's like a machine...
that I have to run...
But at least he buys me whatever I want.
I've got it all paid for, like a wife.
And any time he wants to get off,
I put up the "closed" sign and he gets off.
But if I wanted to, I could go on strike.
With you, on the other hand... I can't even talk to you!
You want me dead!
You steal my will, my spirit...
It's not right!
Ok, that's enough, now.
Go back to your boss.
Tell him you were only out on loan.
Tell him I'm not through with him yet.
And don't even think about ratting me out, or you'll pay.
Who is it? - Open up!
And here's Mr. Terme, president of the council, awarding
the golden Mercury to Mario Rossi, director of Italmerc
with the pleasant air that has graced the whole of this.
The annual gathering of the national association of Italian businessmen.
Good evening.
And shut up.
Don't say a word to me about it, I already know it all.
First the jewelry,
yesterday the car and now you.
And tomorrow, who knows?
Oh I see, you don't agree with me, do you?
No!
What do I have to do with it?
He's nuts!
He made me lie on the bed like a corpse.
Then he grabbed my jewelry and stomped it all to bits like it was rock salt.
Two million.
That's too much. I've got to to turn him in.
And the insurance?
They'll find out that only 3 million was stolen and not 40 like you said.
There could have been other thieves.
That works.
But I already misreported the tax information.
No, I don't think they'll notice.
Hmm... well, anyway,
meanwhile I'll have to close down the clandestine slaughterhouse.
Suspend the construction of the slum housing out in torbaianica.
Six times eight is forty eight...
What a mess! 48 million without even counting the fine.
And the employees without social security.
And the family stipend reduced to a 100,000 lire per year.
And the income taxes withheld.
And the sales tax, and the rigged scales.
No.
It's just not convenient for me.
It's painful, but I can't turn him in.
What are you laughing about?
You think it serves me right, eh?
I guess you think it's fair, then,
that a man like me should be persecuted.
Hated, envied!
Yes, envied.
Because I know that the whole world envies me.
But is it my fault if I'm the smartest?
If I know how to make money?
Let them bloody their hands as I bloody mine!
Instead of going around stealing,
like low-life thieves.
Who's the smartest of all? - You.
Who's the most manly?
You are.
Who's the strongest?
You.
Who's the handsomest man of all? - You.
Who's the greatest butcher in all of Rome?
You are. - That's right, me.
Who's got the most beautiful dick in all of Rome?
You. - The biggest?
You do. - The most powerful?
You. - Who's the most envied?
You. - Who's the luckiest?
You. - Who pays the least in taxes?
You. - Say it again.
You. - Yeah, me. Me. Yes.
Who's the king of Rome? - You are.
And who...
And who's the most pitiful person in the world?
It's me!
It's me.
No, it's me. - It's me.
No, me. Me!
It's me. - It's me.
I, brigadier of the public security forces,
I protect human life.
For twenty years I've been maintaining order.
I fear that order, that harmony, which would come from a life based on equality,
naturally an impossible life.
But to compensate, I have lots of secret satisfactions.
I search, arrest, interrogate, misrepresent,
I humiliate, affirm, deny; I exercise influence,
I make acquisitions, I make, I unmake.
And my decisions have no influence on anyone's existence.
So I am consumed by pessimism.
And I console myself with the egoism of my privileges.
The first thing I do is go out and arrest whoever I want.
Arresting people is really great.
What do we do? - You're going to have to wait.
To make up for the carelessness that got you ripped off.
Brigadier, they're waiting for you.
Over there.
Please come with me.
Where did the robbery take place?
In my house, around 10 pm, after I was done watching TV
while my mother and I were praying the rosary.
Can you describe the stolen goods?
A pearl necklace, a pearl watch...
And a ten karat jewel which was not mounted.
Have any suspects?
I saw him. - Why didn't you call for help?
I hoped he would repent...
And return my jewelry.
The fact that the thief decided to break into a priest's house
in my mind means that he's a believer.
Only a believer would go into a priest's house
to steal jewels. It's a kind of sacrilegious attraction, even sexual.
You've got pictures of all the usual suspects here at the station.
Well father, we've got a faithful flock of our own.
I could perhaps recognize him.
If I saw...
a... photograph of him.
Come with me.
Understand, father, that you're only in here because you're a priest.
See? In this file we have the criminals organized according
to their sexual and religious tendencies.
Atheist, fetishist. Normal, Jewish.
Non practicing believer, necrophile.
Sadistic atheist, zoophile.
Catholic, but repressed and inverted.
Communist, trotskyist and masochist.
Normal atheist.
Catholic, but robs people while dressed as a monk.
Catholic, secretary of the revibia "catholic action" group.
Rapist.
Hold on.
Who's that?
Manzo Alexandro, alias "Albertone."
An actor by profession, ambidextrous, apolitical.
No religious problems.
An old ace in the hole. A real artist.
Would've been the best if he hadn't gotten stuck in his vices.
He's a good person, a friendly guy.
Was it him?
No.
Of course, it couldn't have been him.
He has obligations at that hour, and besides,
He never robs anyone outside his neighborhood... I would have known.
Look, see, even thieves have
parishes and senior officers of their own.
But...
if they were to catch the thief...
How much time would he get?
Well, according to penal code article 469: 5 years.
That's not much if you think about the punishment...
they get in the next life.
Purgatory... hell...
Well, father, you occupy yourself with the next life.
But we're concerned with this life, which is the one we understand.
Where'd he go?
Father!
Stop thief! Stop thief!
Who is it? - Police. I'm coming in.
Is this the one?
Yes.
Where did it show up? - I can't tell you.
It's confidential while the investigation is underway.
How many knives do you have? - Twenty-five.
But it was with this knife that I cut the first steak of my life.
Sit down, relax.
And who knew this detail?
Everyone. My ex-wife, her father, who I used to be dependent on.
Two cousins, and all the workers in my business.
And your concubine? - She knew too.
Do you trust her?
No.
Well, yes.
More no than yes.
How long has it been since you have been involved in your
commercial activities?
How did you come to be the owner of a butcher shop?
Well, what does my personal business have to do with this knife?
Don't worry sir. You must trust me as if I were your confessor.
My experience tells me that the person that's after you
is trying to take revenge on you.
It's true. It's true!
Why don't you tell me whatever might help the investigation, then?
Who are your enemies? Why do you live separated from your wife?
Your relationships with your children? And who are your business competitors?
Anyone have anything against you? - Why should I tell you all those things?
Professional secrecy is sacred.
Like your investigational secrecy is.
You worry about getting that thief, if you can.
Which I doubt.
Please stop. You are showing me a lack of respect.
I say what I think!
I make money circulate!
I feed dozens of people.
This knife...
means wealth for everyone.
Even for the state.
Because I pay my taxes and for that matter, your salary.
My friend, if we put everyone on the same level, the robbers and the robbed...
Where will we stop? The police can all just quit their jobs then.
And what'll we put in the police stations?
Make them into supermarkets? - No one can tell the future.
But without us, theft would no longer be theft...
It would become a right, the law.
And the thieves would become revolutionaries!
Ah, so now we've got cops who philosophize!
Give me that knife. - No, I won't give it to you.
I said give it to me. - What'll you do if I don't?
I represent the law and I order you to give me that knife. - And if I say no?
You must give me that knife, because it's part of an investigation.
Ok, fine. Here.
Good day.
That's how you make your living!
Then get out there and work like you deserve it! Sweat for it!
I'm coming to see you...
You can give your dress to the cat.
It's just a raggedy, dangling sheet of white cloth anyway.
Just a cutlet of meat, like a cucumber,
straining and stretching out.
It's precious!
It's so slender.
And yet it gets the job done.
She's tall, capricious, silent, insane, blind.
She attacks you in the bathroom like she was some kind of siren.
Erect and seductive like a serpent
that immobilizes its victim in order to better penetrate.
It is matrimony, it is sacred, It is divine.
It is salami, it is sausage.
It's a hell of a morsel.
Give me that thermos, I'm starved.
I've got to tell you something.
Oh that's good. Going out on an armed robbery eh?
Hell, I won't go if I'm not packing. I'm too scared.
Pussy!
A thief is a thief.
And a murderer...
is a murderer.
Take out that dagger.
That weapon is all dirty. Don't let me see that again.
Yellow or blue?
Yellow.
Blue.
Let's go.
Ready. - Come on.
Come on.
The suitcases. Put the minks in.
Let go of me! - Where do you think you're going?
How about you, what are you doing?
Are you alone? - Yes.
Who sent you? - No one.
So you came to rob the robbers. That's a new method.
I need you.
I have a business proposal to make to you.
Let's finish with this one first. - Right.
You get a kick out of this?
Sticking your nose in other people's business?
Messing with people while they're trying to work?
It's immoral, I tell you.
Where the hell did they go?
Bocho!
Sacane!
Where the hell did those sons of bitches get to?
Cowards! Well, where to now?
Please... - What are we going to talk about?
Where are you going? Come back here!
I don't know how to drive!
They're not after us. That cop car's from another precinct.
Where are you going now? - I want to check it out.
What do you think you're going to see?
Maybe we can lend them a hand. - Who? - Them, over there.
With these kinds of folks you'd need to lend a thousand hands.
If they get caught, well too bad for them.
They don't deserve anything. Ha! Lend a hand to thieves!
And they'll bite it off. We're like wolves. - They're coming over here!
Forget them, they tried to escape. Let them fend for themselves.
Who are they? - What do you care!?
A couple thieves running away. You never seen thieves run away?
And where do you think they went running off to?
There it is, there's where they went.
They went to go pray. There they are, see them?
Come on, let's go. Get moving, hurry up. Run.
They're going to recognize me. Get going or they'll bust us, fool.
What's that guy doing? He got out! He must've gotten hit in the head.
So... but who sent you?
What do you want from me? What'd I ever do to you?
This guy's killing me. - Get going! Move it!
There's nothing to see. Move on. - What are you doing? Go, go!
Hurry up and let's go or we're screwed. For God's sake!
Who are they? - One is called "Charmer."
The other's name is Barrabas.
You know them? - Yeah, they're a couple of idiots.
That is, they were. What a shitty job!
So did you want to talk to me about something?
It'd be better if we talked at my pad. - Ok, let's go. Wherever you want.
And get completely drunk.
I could use it. I don't like to be so close to seeing it all end.
Hey, are you sick or something? - Go on, forget it.
We're here.
I live here. - No shit?
You must be loaded.
How much have you got on you right now?
Ok, alright, it's been three hours now that we've been arguing
and we still haven't come to a conclusion.
I'm warning you people,
If you put one of those card readers in the elevator I'll smash it!
I'm warning you! - Hey, listen, that elevator isn't yours!
And it's not yours either. It's all of ours. - Well, of course!
Are you a co-owner here or something?
Almost.
Are you sure this is the third floor? - I think so.
Open it.
Don't you have the key? - It's not my house! - Who lives here?
A butcher. He's really rich!
He's got a load of jewelry! Cash, money!
Watch what you're doing!
I've never been busted! You're a professional with a history!
You're screwing me up.
Is there anyone in there? - I don't know.
Here's the flashlight. Open it.
Hurry up, please, I'm begging you.
Come on!
Take off those shoes. You're making too much noise.
The door inside is locked too. This looks bad. I'm out of here.
Open it.
This is why I brought you here. - Why me?
I'm a beginner. I need a teacher.
You're the only one with a chance in there.
Go ahead.
This one's locked too. What is this, the bank of Italy?
They're rich, I told you that already.
Shh. There's someone there. Listen.
Feel how hard my heart's beating.
After so many years of doing this, you're still scared?
It's not fear.
Give me one. Come on.
Come on.
You can take the money.
Again?
Who's that? - I'll take care of her. You go steal.
Don't hurt her, OK? - I promise I won't.
The safe's behind the curtain. On the left.
There's nothing here.
He took it all to the bank. All that's left is me.
He could be here any minute.
He's at a property owners' meeting on the first floor.
That's why he didn't even put the alarm on. What an idiot!
No.
Take pity!
Please!
Don't scream! Don't scream!
Is there a freight elevator?
I didn't see one.
It's time to renew the leases!
This is a damned dictatorship!
Good night. - Good night!
There we go. - Calmly!
But, why?
Thief!
Stop thief!
And the garage? Where is it?
I'm sorry, but I don't know. - Idiot! Son of a bitch!
Help!
Come on.
Stop thief!
There's the basement. - Stop thief!
Don't leave me here alone!
Help! Hey, guys!
Help me! - No one's going to open up.
The thieves are downstairs! Help!
Well, we're dying of fear now, but they live their lives in terror.
Doctor! Doctor!
Who is it? - The owner of the eighth exterior floor.
There's a thief. - Well, I'm not going to open the door.
I hate him!
I had to count his money at the bank.
It was dirty and it stunk.
I must reduce him to misery.
No rich man ever ended up poor because he got ripped off.
Don't fool yourself. If you want to steal,
steal to get rich like everyone else.
Pulgarelli, let's make peace!
Mr. engineer! There's a thief here!
A thief in the building! Will you help me at least?
Here, it's loaded. - What's this? Hey, now...
But...
Show your face!!
Where are you?
Over there.
Shoot!
But at what? - Shoot!!
Shoot! Shoot! - Who do I shoot at?
At the left!
To the left, I mean!
To the left! They took off to the left!
Close it.
Who is it? - Albertone.
And who's this guy? - A friend, can't you see?
Where's Mafalda? - There in back.
Hi.
Who is he? - A friend.
Wait for me over there.
Take out the furs.
Hurry up!
You can keep the money.
All I want is a few cigarettes.
Let's make a deal.
Here's the mink, check it out.
I'll give you six hundred thousand for all of it.
Three million.
Six hundred thousand. - I said three million.
Take what she offers.
What the hell are you doing?
Let's go!... right?
A thief that gets mad because the fence wants to do business.
Does that make sense to you? - It does to me.
Hey, this is normal merchandise. Who needs to know they're stolen?
They'd fetch a lot more than that.
Hey, this is my deal. I made the robbery. I planned it. I did it.
The furs go to her and I'll do the settling of the price.
Hey, she's got to pay what these furs are really worth.
I'm in charge of this deal now. You guys come to an agreement.
Hey, what are you doing? What!? - Say it.
Say it! - What does this guy want from me?
Say, I'm a thief! Get him off me!
Say you're a thief! - Son of a bitch!
Say it! - Fuck you, you bastard!
Leave her alone! You really thought she'd pay your millions?
Poverty! Poverty's all you can earn at this job!
Find a solid job! You were born to be a slave!
And you, go fuck yourself!
The money!
God damn it!
Bastard!
You're going to pay me back for what he took!
How much did he get? - Two million.
Bbut you have the furs. - Yeah, that's right.
I've got the furs...
And now you owe me for what you stole from me.
This bastard's going to pay heavy for this.
He's taken ten years of my life from me!
That's your business!
I did it... I won...
For the first time I stole actual money.
And I can spend it however I like.
Stolen money...
is the same...
as money you earned by the sweat of your brow.
It's terrible, but that's how it is.
To eliminate crime...
the laws'd have to be changed.
Property isn't just theft,
it's an illness.
To be...
or to have? That is the question.
I'd like to do both: To have and to be.
But I know that it's impossible. That's my curse.
The money! That thief!
"Property is sacred."
Yeah, it was sacred. Was.
What are you doing, son?
It's mine! - What are you doing, son? What?
No, don't burn it! We need it!
But doesn't it disgust you? I stole it.
Well...
What's done is done, right?
It'd be better if we spent it.
Come here, come here...
Give me some of it. At least enough to pay the rent.
That way we won't get kicked out. That's it.
Hey, come on! A little more!
I've got to pay the grocer, milkman, butcher, baker.
I could buy me a nice tie. A nice shirt.
Maybe a pair of shoes.
Some nice suede shoes, you understand?
The cops.
Give it to me, give it here... Don't keep it on you...
I'll take the money and hide you. Come here, son... come on.
What are you doing!? Where are you going? Are you nuts?
Come here. Where are you going? I'll hide it for you!
No, no! Not in the toilet! No! No!
Don't be crazy, get out of there! Lay off! Stop it!
Oh, lord, oh, God!
This son of mine has truly gone insane!
Hello?
Who is it? - It's me.
I brought you a pound of beef for an English broil.
I have to talk to you. Can I come in?
No.
I want to make a deal with you.
He's really in a bad way.
I don't even want to see him.
So...
I guess I'll go then...
Would it be worth it to you to stay?
No.
Good-bye.
Are you afraid of him?
More afraid of you than of him.
You're young.
And you'll get tired out quickly.
You're young too. - With him it's like work.
I'll come see you.
When?
One of these nights, when he's at home.
Help! - Enough!
Let's go.
Help!
Ok, you can get up now.
Good as new.
Please, come in.
Please.
Do you recognize him?
No.
What do you mean, "No?"
Yeah!
This young man works at the bank where I do business.
How are you?
Cigarette?
Look closely at him. - I am, but...
this isn't the guy. And if it were...
I'd recognize him anywhere.
It's him, I'm telling you.
No.
This is the guy who left your knife here.
Well, it was me who lost the knife.
Think well on what you say.
You risk being accused of perjury.
Do whatever you want.
I've got a lot of good lawyers.
What...?
Are you trying to send me to the madhouse?
I catch the thief that's been persecuting you...
And you say you don't recognize him?
Do you want him to be hassling you like this?
Are you doing this for fun?
Or could it be that... - Or could it be what?
That you are all accomplices!
That you made a deal to stiff the insurance company!
I'll say it one more time: Turn me in.
Just try it, clown!
And as a witness to your insults,
I'll call this money-counter to the stand.
Let them all see you!
Tell the truth!
He had his pockets full of jewels.
He showed them to me.
He told me that he'd stolen them from a butcher.
He wanted to sell them to me.
But I didn't buy them. - Luckily there're other collaborators.
Sure! Thieves work together.
And the thief that robbed my house and took my jewels is this guy.
I recognize him perfectly.
And I'd like to file a complaint against him.
What are you doing?
Where are you going?
Defend yourself!
What a pussy! - Who?
Who else?
I'll bet you anything he's just acting. Sure, he's just...
You're a great actor.
Come on Albertone, get up!
He's dead.
Here are his lockpicks.
What kind of thieves...
die of a heart attack?!
He's dead. He's dead.
I can't believe he died on me!
Oh God! What'll the papers say! The press!
Who's going to protect me from the press!?
Don't worry about it.
I'll tell them that you didn't even touch him.
That's not going to cut it.
These days no one believes us.
Not even our own people!
You can tell the truth.
Never!
That'd be even worse!
I'll testify to your version of the story, whatever it is.
Trust me.
Thanks.
You're the best witness I could ever hope for.
Come on.
Guard! Come with me.
You stay sitting there.
Don't look, turn your head.
What are you doing here?
Get going! Get out of here!
Is the young man from the bank here?
Please, come in.
Tell him that it's the butcher. He'll understand.
No, no. Over there.
It's a butcher. I let him in the kitchen. He says he wants to talk to you.
Meat for the whole week. - Please sir, have a seat.
Thank you. - Well, then...
I'm going to go fry up a couple of filets.
Are you hungry? - No, thanks.
Smoke?
Want to know why I didn't turn you in to the cops?
Because I like to do what's right.
I've made too much money.
And not always honestly.
I recognize you.
Look, I'd be willing...
spiritually...
to give away everything I have.
But I wouldn't want to be the first one to do it. Get it?
I'm afraid of poverty.
In a world like this, where by their evil ways...
the rich dominate.
If everyone was doing it, I'd be the first.
And anyway, do tell...
Is there a law, written or unwritten, that prohibits
making money off of industry? Making money in commerce? No.
Religion, perhaps?
My dear friend, religion tells us to not do evil.
To not kill, to not offend this or that.
Not to steal...
But it allows one to get rich. Are you listening?
And to do it, you have to offend,
defraud, rob, etcetera.
Well, anyway, what more can I say to defend myself?
I can say that I work.
Yes, I work.
I perform a function in society...
Consisting in killing edible animals.
So that people can get fed. Understand?
If it weren't for me, you...
would have to go out into the fields and hunt for your meat...
in order to feed yourselves.
Can you imagine three million residents of Rome out hunting?
I bloody my hands...
so that everyone else can forget what they are!
Murderers!
Yes. Murderers!
Murderers!
And no one will ever pay me enough..!
for that essential, great, and fundamental function..!
which I perform: Killing for you people!
Sure, my work is profitable, I agree.
But why don't you try it!? Go out there and cut apart some animals.
Commerce is freedom. Competition is fair.
All you need is a little start up capital.
How much do you want to stop envying me?
Everything!
But I'm a property-owner. And to make a propertied person like me...
give up everything...
there'd have to be a revolution. And that hasn't happened yet.
Come here. Come to the window and look outside.
See that seven story building? It's mine, and I've got four others!
And four butcher shops!
And I've got capital!
How do you think you're going to take all that?
You'd have to destroy the land registry! Kill all the notaries!
Burn down the police stations! Occupy parliament!
Take over the television networks!
Give me a number. Any amount.
I'll give you an amount of money right now that you'd...
never be able to accumulate with your little robberies.
Let's see shall we? How about a seven figure number?
An eight figure number?
It's a family heirloom, that.
I'll just tell myself... that I lost it.
You want Anita?
Don't let yourself be fooled.
Business is business. You...
go ahead and increase the amount.
Is that good? - How much per pound?
It's six hundred lire per pound for a live animal.
But it's better to buy them as dressed carcasses.
For 1200, you can divide them into two back quarters,
The frontal, then the belly, with lungs liver and heart,
tripe, hooves, and brains.
The back quarters...
are the most valuable.
You then come around to the back. The milanese call it the nape.
And then? The best little tidbits.
Frome there we move on to the noble parts:
The sirloin and the tenderloin.
and the rump roast.
I'll build you a butcher shop.
A clandestine slaughterhouse. A sausage factory.
We'll be partners!
I'll make you a lot of money!
I'll never accept it. Never!
Never!
Exploiter! Bloodsucker!
Never! - Strong.
I'm strong!
You aren't a thief.
Nor are you an honest man.
What are you?
A thief has died.
A legend has died.
A man who even in his youth really stood out for his ingenuity.
His imagination,
his ability,
and his courage.
A thief.
He robbed people for forty three years...
and was never jailed.
He could've been a success in another profession...
as a comic actor.
A fortune teller's set director. Yes, gentlemen,
Albertone could have been...
A man worthy of great honor.
However, he refused that hypocrisy.
He played with his cards facing up. He never lied, he didn't pretend.
He didn't rob people by fixing the scales.
He didn't play on the stock market.
He did not trick the people.
He was a thief, and he showed himself as such honestly.
I am a thief too. And here, standing before him,
before our dead friend, who has left us behind...
dead, like so many workers from an accident on the job, I...
Paco "the Argentine"...
Want to pay my respects...
to thieves.
To all of us.
All of you.
Friends, comrades, colleagues...
And rivals.
What would the world be without us?
Think about it.
How many miserable bureaucrats, who call themselves honest men
would end up in the gutter? How many?
They'd end up with nothing to eat.
How many workers? Yes, workers, what would they do without thieves?
And the padlock factories?
The safe factories?
And the bank employees?
And the guards, the police, the soldiers?
The people that make doors and windows? The inventors of anti-theft devices,
every day perfecting them further?
And the porters, the lawyers, the judges, the interrogators.
And the prison directors?
What about the night watchmen? And the insurance salesmen!
And the insurance men and the police dogs?
What would they all do without us?
Think about it, my friends.
Think about it.
Think about how many people would be out of a job...
If we suddenly,
one fine day, to take revenge against this unjust society.
All of us, from this moment on, all together were to decide...
to stop robbing?
The nation's economy would fall to pieces.
And that's why I am here today to tell you all:
Take off your hats!
To our beloved Albertone.
Hero of our work.
And, even... a saint.
It is to us that society owes the establishment's order
and social equilibrium.
Because we, robbing people under cover of darkness
are covering up for and justifying the thieves.
Who operate under cover of legality.
Glory be to Albertone!
And to all thieves everywhere!
Bless his heart!
Poor guy.
Long live Mandragian Marxism!
Allow me.
Thief!
My son was like a father to me.